The Biggest Mistakes Couples Make After Having Kids (and How to Avoid Them)

Having kids is one of the biggest shifts a relationship will ever face. Suddenly, your time, energy, and attention are pulled in a million different directions, and intimacy can slide way down the priority list. That doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed; but there are some common mistakes that make things harder than they need to be.

Mistake #1: Putting the relationship on autopilot

It’s easy to assume you’ll reconnect “when things settle down,” but those early years are long and demanding. Connection doesn’t just happen; you have to be intentional.

Mistake #2: Ignoring resentment

Unspoken frustrations about chores, parenting roles, or lack of intimacy add up quickly. Silence doesn’t protect the relationship; it slowly erodes it.

Mistake #3: Forgetting you’re more than co-parents

When every conversation is about logistics, you lose sight of the spark that brought you together. Kids thrive when they see parents who are connected as partners, not just as caregivers.

The solution? Small, consistent choices. Talk openly about what feels off, prioritize time together (even if it’s 10 minutes before bed), and remind yourselves that being partners is the foundation for everything else. A strong relationship makes for a stronger family.