Why Great Sex Isn’t About Frequency, It’s About Presence

One of the most common questions couples ask me is, “How often should we be having sex?” As if there’s a magic number that makes a relationship healthy. Here’s the truth: it’s not about frequency… it’s about presence.

You can have sex three times a week and still feel disconnected. Or you can have sex once a month that leaves you both feeling deeply fulfilled and close. What matters is how you show up, not how often.

Presence means slowing down enough to actually feel what’s happening. It means eye contact, touch that lingers, laughter, vulnerability, and being curious about what turns each of you on in this season of life. Your Archetype can help here; because when you understand what excites you (and your partner), you can build experiences that are about quality, not quantity.

So instead of tracking numbers, ask: Did I feel desired? Did I feel safe? Did I feel connected? Those are the markers of a great sex life!