3 Simple Steps to Take If You’re Not Satisfied With Your Sex Life

I’ve been seeing something come up again and again.

Almost half the people who take the Sexual Archetype Quiz- 47%, to be exact, say they’re not satisfied with their sex life. That number has stuck with me. Not because it’s surprising (honestly, I hear this all the time), but because I know how isolating that can feel when it’s happening in your own relationship.

It’s easy to assume other couples have it figured out. That desire is just supposed to “be there” all the time. But when sex starts to feel like one more thing on your plate or like something that’s missing entirely it affects everything else. Your mood. Your confidence. Your connection.

The good news? It doesn’t take a complete overhaul to shift the energy between you and your partner. Sometimes the most powerful changes come from the smallest moves.

Here are three simple steps you can take if your sex life isn’t where you want it to be. No hours-long conversations. No awkward pressure. Just small, intentional steps that can change everything.

1. Stop Avoiding the Topic And Start Naming What’s Missing

When things feel off in a relationship—especially sexually—so many couples just… stop talking about it.

They might joke about being too tired or brush it off with a “we’ll figure it out later,” but that “later” rarely comes. And the longer it goes unspoken, the more disconnected you feel.

Here’s the truth: intimacy doesn’t disappear overnight. It fades slowly, over weeks and months of not checking in, not saying what we need, and not feeling fully seen.

But the good news is that you don’t need to have a two-hour emotional summit to start the conversation. Sometimes it’s as simple as saying, “I’ve been missing you lately,” or “I want to feel close again, but I don’t really know how to bring it up.”

You don’t need the perfect words—you just need honest ones.

Start small. Start clumsy. But start.

2. Add In, Don’t Take Away

When couples want to improve their sex life, they usually focus on what’s not happening.

Not enough time. Not enough energy. Not enough spark.

But here’s a reframe I teach in both coaching and courses: instead of focusing on what’s missing, ask—What can I add in?

Because adding in even the tiniest bit of connection throughout your day starts to shift the whole dynamic.

Maybe it’s a lingering kiss instead of a rushed goodbye.

Maybe it’s a flirty comment while folding laundry, or a text that says, “I keep thinking about last weekend.”

These small moments matter more than we give them credit for. They signal to your partner—and to your own nervous system—that intimacy is welcome here.

That desire is allowed. That closeness is safe.

The goal isn’t to magically create three hours for sex.

It’s to create tiny openings where connection can slip back in.

3. Bring Fantasy Into the Conversation

This one can feel edgy—but it’s also where things get really interesting.

Fantasy is one of the most underused tools in long-term relationships. And not just the sexy kind (although yes, those too). Fantasy is anything that brings you into a state of turn-on, curiosity, or mental play. It’s where aliveness lives!

But most of us were never taught how to talk about what we want. So we keep things vanilla—or avoid the conversation altogether—because we’re afraid we’ll be judged, shut down, or misunderstood.

Here’s what I want you to know:

You don’t have to share every detail right away. You don’t even have to act anything out.

But beginning to explore your inner world—your turn-ons, your erotic language, your desires—is one of the most powerful ways to bring intimacy back to life.

And when you learn how to do that together?

That’s where the real spark lives.

If this feels like a leap, this is exactly why I created the Crafting Intimacy Through Fantasy and Desire course.

It gives you the tools to explore safely, communicate clearly, and open up new possibilities—whether you’re doing it with a partner or on your own.

Nearly half of quiz-takers said they aren’t satisfied with their sex life—but that doesn’t have to be where the story ends.

Whether you’re feeling disconnected, touched out, bored, or unsure how to bring up what you really want… you’re not alone. And you’re not doing it wrong. Most couples just haven’t been given the tools—or the space—to talk about this part of their relationship in a way that feels natural.

These three steps are a starting point. A way to soften the edges, shift the energy, and remember what it feels like to actually want each other again.

And if you’re ready for deeper support—whether that’s learning how to explore fantasy together or working with me directly—I’d love to help you get there.

Because this part of your relationship?

It deserves attention. And you deserve to enjoy it!